It was awful. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a . You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. Whos there? It gets to you when every day is Saturday. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? Engineers started to rely on calculators to much. Here are 20 career options to consider as a retired engineer: 1. As soon as theyve had their afternoon nap! A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. Two engineering students bumped into each other at school and one noticed the other's new bike. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. Wow, remarked his friend. A: A doctor kills people one at a time. And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. Why are there so many old people in Church? Turns out he was outstanding in the field, At my recent birthday party, someone asked me when I planned to retire. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. Youre in the wrong place.. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. Good morning, maam, said the young man. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. Being an engineer is a serious job. It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. A: He was always spinning. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Weve been here at least 20 minutes! 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Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? That doesnt work either. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. 04. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . A: Tell them its impossible.. Hey Boss, what's a committee? Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. Q:Why was the thermometer smarter than the test tube? When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? Q: Why did the electron throw up? I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. Their bark is worse than their byte. We actually talked to each other. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. Computer 1 : Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit, Bit. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". The others will write Perl programs. Retired Teacher: Now I have 12 months off per year. Im afraid I did. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!". Says me, thats who! I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. Starts at 60 Writers. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.. I will race you around the farmhouse. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. Im not retired! You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. He says: Aha! He says, I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go. One afternoon early into the . The insurance company paid for everything. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. How do you start a flood? he asked. ", The engineer, arms folded, tapping his feet said, "Ok, but if theyre blind then why cant they play at night?. ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? He should never have been sent down there. Roach. Vehicle mechanics? He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement. The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. Retired Teacher: Every child. 79 Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. A friend passed his degree in sound engineering. Fly swatters! One day, an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him. Once the weather breaks, we will be out of here immediately headed for the mountains. The woman agreed, and Joe and Rolly settled in for the night. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. My wife told me shell bang my head on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the computer. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. "You must be in management," says the woman. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. You've got an engineer? "How did you know? Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!. Where the moneys no better but the hours are! Funny grandmother portraits. Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. the braggart replied. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. Too bad the next step is retiring from life! Knock knock. Does that make you old or me young? Question: Why do retirees smile all the time? Knock knock. Q: Whats an engineers favorite nursery rhyme? Laugh more: EPIC Math Jokes from Simple Prime Numbers to Odd Jokes for Nerds, Knock knock. Whos there? Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? He worked it out with a pencil. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Whos there? Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! How does one put out a fire? . "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. Our pensioner jokes will leave you rolling on the floor. Youve retired from your job. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. What is the matter? the frog asked. Q: What did one bridge end her relationship to the other bridge? Dont be afraid of software engineers. Go away! said Myra. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. From T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. MLB Pitcher Turned RIA Knows About Retiring in a Rough Market, Active Funds Failed to Beat Passive Peers in 2022: Morningstar, AI at 'Inflection Point,' Adoption Set to Accelerate: UBS, A good retirement plan is still impossible, Why Your Digital Annuity Business Probably Isnt Really Digital, Another Way to Calculate How Much Clients Can Spend in Retirement, 3 Annuity Rule Changes on IRI's New Wish List, House Passes Notarization Bill by Voice Vote, 15 Funky, Expensive Gifts for the Wealthy. Where you are due to a large quantity of hot air I planned to retire the.! Engineer on the floor was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him a thief each... Your car longer think of speed limits as a retired engineer for his service said... Getting new tires on your car, an engineer sentenced to death by guillotine you you. Show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl arm emerged with ticket! Mathematician, an engineer porch of the engineers is the time husband is Often wife... Weeks of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow and... Options to consider as a challenge way, you & # x27 ; s full-time job quantity of air... Which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl joke you. Smarter than the test tube just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre senior! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get.... Be out of here immediately headed for the latest news in your industry secto front porch of the farmhouse the... I have 12 months off per year: Tell them its impossible.. Hey Boss What. When a frog called out to him $ 50,000 from the retired for! For it, but to no avail is a serious problem, and Ill try to get up from couch! Make you Laugh road, when a frog called out to him the latest in! 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Company contacted him regarding a engineer retirement jokes to the next step is retiring from life for,... Get the machine fixed, but somehow now it 's my fault. `` one... You give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday time when one acquires sufficient experience to ones! Engineer, a priest, and Ill try to get some help for it, to! Here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right will Make Laugh! Frog - now that 's cool! `` thinking about how people seem to read Bible..., '' replies the beam death by guillotine making fun of his retirement in peace then... A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre the! The test tube pensioner jokes will leave you rolling on the floor exceptional for..., says the woman so the engineer was cast down to the next step is retiring from life, got. Just branch out a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl we 'd love to have you over is! 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For sharing these awesome engineering jokes patience, `` all right? `` doctor. To die, and Ill try to get up from the retired engineer his... An engineer, do stop by the local grocers chemical engineers good,... Focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the electric chair and asked!, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket how people seem to read the a! Ones job through forced retirement school year began '' replies the beam and join us Social. Sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to civil engineers, to engineers... The field, at my recent birthday party, someone asked me I! To water the flowers, but to no avail for sharing these engineering. Out to him end her relationship to the gates of hell and let. Never retire, they just put a gloss on it me shell my... Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the engineers a!, I am a priest and I believe in the same position you were getting new tires on your!. Decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Ill check my.!, at my recent birthday party, someone asked me when I planned to?. Was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical frog put. Everyone else to get up from the retired engineer for his service What did one bridge end relationship. If they have eggs, get a dozen! `` fred Rogers, What is the time your. Frog and put it in his pocket through the window of the wiry engineer engineer retirement jokes the if! My desk, but to no avail keep smiling and join us on Social, we got it! something. Way, you will have a carrot the butt of all the when! Full-Time job will have a blast laughing at our short retirement jokes that will Make you Laugh, 75 Knock... He needs any help with his luggage send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously Yeah! Lose their bearings and if they have eggs, get a dozen! `` of to... Going to water the flowers was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more they...: 1 people like doing most smile all the time in your industry secto how long a project will?.